Sanctimonious Sanctity of Life

I’ve been following the blog “Brazen Careerist” by Penelope Trunk for some 6 months or more now and she’s a hoot to read. There have been many mornings when her latest post is the foundation for conversations with AB. I don’t agree with everything she says and i seriously hope never to have a crush on my boss (i mean AB is my brother – how icky would that be!) but i do find her mind interesting if abit strange and remarkably courageous for how much of her life she puts out there. I sometimes speak about my personal life and i can honestly say every post is a debate – am i putting too much of myself out there? Will i be judged? Will my audience get my context?

Some might say its too easy for people to put their personal lives out there but i will say its not. When you speak about personal issues its because there is a need – a need to share, to educate, to inform. A recent twitter by Penelope Trunk on having a miscarriage during a board meeting caused a furor. Some highly conservative sections of society thought she was out of line – too blase about what was happening. How dare she not take ‘life’ more seriously!

What those people missed, which was the whole point actually, was that even in this day and age where the judicial and governmental systems have put in place policies where women should have access to options they are being denied the ability to exercise those options. She did an interview on CNN where the point of the ‘abrahamic religions’ was put forward – how could she be happy about having a miscarriage just because now she didn’t need an abortion? Doesn’t she value the sanctity of life? Why is she talking about women’s business in public?

Before she made her tweet and subsequent post I’m ashamed to say even I, a woman, did not know a miscarriage takes up to 3 weeks having mistakenly assumed the expulsion of the foetus was the be all and end all of that. By her having gone public there is now an increased awareness of this and a larger understanding of this phenomenon. I’ have to confess whenever i see the religious conservatives try to put their opinions on life and choice as the ‘go-to’ choice thereby making every other option an aberration i get really angry. As a pro-choice person i do not go up to every pregnant woman and say ‘are you sure you want to remain pregnant and bring a human being you may not be able to care for and nurture to the best of your ability into this world.

So what gives them the right that they can ask you to re-think not wanting to screw up your life, a life well in the process of being lived which is being de-valued with the presence of a life not fully form and nowhere close to being lived. They believe they have the right because in their minds having faith in “GOD” gives them a moral superiority. One of the basics of Christianity seems to escape most Christians “Judge not lest ye be judged”. At the end of the day if you believe in God shouldn’t you believe that what one person does/doesn’t do and believes/disbelieves is ultimately between God and that person or is your belief in God limited to what you can pass judgement on?

I suspect I’ll be asking questions along this vein for most of my life but ask i will. Fight the good fight and enjoy the weekend doing things that make you happy. I’m sure “god” would want us to have a happy life starting with this weekend On a parting note I leave you with a quote from AB: “Abrahamic religions are born out of a fear of vaginas and dark places”. This never fails to crack me up!

Pink Dot

I’m sure images of the Pink Dot gathering at the Speakers Corner will be hitting the press soon and just so everyone knows me and my pink balloon were part of that dot. I’m not a LGBT (not sure but hacking a translation: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and transgender/transsexual) but i support their choice to live their life by their own choices.

I honestly don’t know why conservative folk react so strongly to the topic of LGBTs. Its not like they go from door to door asking you to sign up for their lifestyle as per the modus operandi of certain religious groups who seek to convert others. They do not stand tall and shout that theirs is the only sanctioned way to live – moral, social, philosophical etc the way heterosexual conservatives do – and definitely do not preach you going to hell if you don’t comply with their lifestyle.  I’m sorry but saying that god created a man and woman and gave them the ability to reproduce hence that’s the only acceptable equation does not fly with me.

People often forget that religion evolved to solve a lot of practical issues of the time. Hindus/Punjabis don’t eat beef as a result of the need to retain their food and labour sources..if they went around eating all the cattle how would they get the fields plowed or supplement their vegetarian diets with the much needed proteins from dairy products. Muslims don’t eat pork or touch dogs because they were disease carriers feeding off the carcasses of bodies left to rot during the 100 year war. Muslims and Jews also have procedure in place for the preparation of food as a means of avoiding the consumption of contaminated food which in those times, without the medical advances we have today, would have surely proven fatal.

Now lets look at the issue of procreation from this logic. In those times the earth definitely wasn’t as populated as it is now. Life-spans were much shorter and much more uncertain. Being hit by a bus wasn’t the worst thing they could have thought of in a day. Now if you were faced with population issues especially since , as documented by historians from the dawn of time, it takes a majority or critical mass to gain an edge wouldn’t a new religion or group of people struggling to establish themselves in a region want to ensure the survivability of their numbers? And what better way to ensure that than to pursue an agenda which stated any lifestyle beyond one which could produce offspring is forbidden – an act against god, against societal norms.

Now I’m not about to run out and kiss the first girl who crosses my path or dress like a guy. I want to marry the man who tickles my intellectual and conversational fancy (much more enduring than the love bug) and have children one day. That’s my choice. That choice doesn’t give me the right to deny others the right to make that same choice for themselves if it is not identical to mine. If someone does not like the same cuisine, colour or music as I do it doesn’t drive me to a point of moral outrage so this shouldn’t either.

Its a life – mine, yours, his, hers – and at the end of the day ours to do as we choose. If you feel the right to choose respect the right of others to do the same.

GetIT goes to the bloodbank

Once in every while we folks at GetIT do exhibit signs of having a social conscience and give back in ways which are meaningful to us as a group. One of my personal ’causes’ has been adopted by GetIT as well and that is the act of donating blood.

On Friday a bunch of us trooped down to the Health Sciences Authority to donate blood. Of the 4 of us who made it there only one of us managed to actually make a contribution.

First our one saving grace, the newest kid on the block, Kaashif.

Now the rejects….First up: Yours truly

Next: Our commander-in-chief

Lastly: Sir ‘John’ aka Yeoh

The Blood bank has customised stress balls for the diifferent festivities throughout the year and this time around Santa Claus has made an appearance. In addition to the stress balls Kaashif was also most generously given a whole range of blood type pins which we suspect may be a SDU-esque matchmaking attempt.

We shall gather the troops once more in a few months when we’ve hopefully sorted out the rejections and allowed the donors their respite.

"???"

I sat here trying to think of what I could possibly title a post about the terrible happenings in Mumbai last week. The sheer senseless loss of lives, destruction of property, the youthful young men who had their whole lives ahead of them choosing to go into a situation armed to the teeth to meet their own deaths and bring as many with them as they could…its beyond my comprehension hence the title as it is.

There’s much being made of the fact that its another act of violence against innocent civilians by Muslim extremists which puts Islam in a bad light once again. I have nothing against Islam. As someone who believes in the concept of God I do have a certain amount of respect for all religions and more than that I respect someone’s choice of what they want to believe in. What does bother me is the extremist fanatical attitude that’s prevalent in all religions..the “you can’t question the word of God” approach. I have questions. A lot of them.

I question the dogma that is pounded into young minds that tells them their faith is above all others. I question the religious leaders who claim to be experts and yet do not stand for their expertise being probed and obvious loopholes in the theories being scrutinised. I question how they can justify murder when the sanctity of life is the cornerstone of every religion. I question the basic interpretations put on the “words of God”. By their very nature words are open to a wealth of meaning..hence their place as our primary communication tool. What is the benchmark for being an expert on the word of God? Being able to quote scripture and choosing the meaning to uphold your beliefs and your beliefs alone? 

I question how women can be subjugated and seen as second class when they are the ones responsible for nurturing our lives as mothers. I question how they can turn the innocence of youth into the flat, cold eyes of the young people who devalue the lives of others. Most of all I question the thrall of the followers who do not seem to find the voice to say this is not the only interpretation of the teachings of God, this is not humanity, and most of all this is not ok with me as a human being.

These thoughts float about in my conscious and were brought to the fore by an article AB had forwarded me by Thomas L. Friedman, “Calling All Pakistanis”. This article specifically references the Mumbai attacks of 26th November but is a question that needs to be raised of not just the Muslims but people everywhere. Every religion carries in it the seeds of extremism. Where do we cross the line of identifying ourselves as human beings first into our religious divide or cultural identities? Why does it become easy to say ‘I am of religion A and the bugger from religion B is trying to be a punk so lets squash them all’. Now this is perhaps trivializing the feelings of some and in the heat of the moment its easy for lines to be blurred.

I am more of a spiritual rather than religious type. I find the organized doctrine of religion confining and I am not able to say this is the word of god so I’m just going to accept it no questions asked. I am also too much a believer in choice and the respecting of the choices of others even if its not what I would choose for myself.

There’s an incident I’ll share with you which has happened with me personally. Many years ago the first lesbian/gay books were being introduced into the Canadian elementary system. I lived in Vancouver at the time and many religious groups opposed the addition of those books into the system. The basic premise of the opposition was that it went against God to be Gay and to teach our children to be accepting of such a difference was intolerable as it went directly against the word of God. Petitions were drafted and signed at various religious institutions.

I went to the gurdwara(sikh temple) on one such evening as I was prone to do at that time and was asked to sign the petition. The man encouraging me to do so was elderly with all the obvious trademarks of being a ‘true’ sikh, turban, beard and all. He explained that this went against the teaching of our gurus and we had to stop it. I looked at him and said “No”. He was visibly shocked. I went on to say that I didn’t see anything wrong with children being taught to understand that we are all different and to accept each other for our differences. He thought I was a “wild, westernised, probably on drugs” girl and I thought he was an “uptight, anal extremist”. It takes a voice.

Alas my voice has failed me as well. I had a similar conversation with an acquaintance who felt much as the man did. This time I said nothing. This was an acquaintance, someone who I had viewed to have some similar background and foundation as I did.

In my eyes this makes me as guilty as the young men who shot the innocent tourists and staff at various places in Mumbai and indeed around the world  wherever terror in the name of religion has raised its ugly head. Its not enough to have a voice unless you use it. Unless you use it in every occasion where such issues which go against your moral grain arise because every silent acceptance is another layer in joining the thralled masses who may privately condemn such acts but will publically condone it.

The only way for this to stop is for the world to say this is not ok and most especially for the people of the same faith, the faith that’s being raised as the flag for such action, to say this is not ok. That it is never ok.

These be exciting times

Unless you’ve been hiding away in a hole deep underground in the middle of the most remote and inaccessible part of the world where news does not reach you must be aware that November 4th is the day…D Day….the US elections.

I’m not sure if its the colorful characters, though I’m sure the larger than life personalities of politicians have a big role to play in how riveted their audience is, or the fact that as i grow older and gain more insight and perspective into how the world at large works that’s makes this the most exciting elections race i’ve seen. I was lucky enough to still be living in Canada during the Gore-Bush elections and avidly followed the ensuing drama over the vote-counting (which was quite exciting and gave me my first seeds of interest).

Back to this year’s ensemble cast… Obama, McCain and our debutant, Palin. I watched the debates and almost drove my sister crazy watching every bit of the vice-presidential debates in instalments as i was in and out of the house all day and catching diff bits in the repeat telecasts. Obama is to me, based on my very biased and possibly uninformed views, ‘Da Man’. He’s intelligent, he’s imperfect and unashamed to say he doesn’t have all the answers. Most importantly he has a plan for change. Mccain and Palin i have to admit to have no fondness for. The Republican policies have served to not only royally mess up their own economy but its repercussions are being felt worldwide. Funnily enough i was thinking of how Palin has foreign relations experience because she can see Russia from her backyard. By that argument my mother should be head of the MFA in Singapore as we have an unimpeded view of Malaysia, arguably our biggest foreign concern, from our front window

I must say I’m feeling jazzed though. This is possibly the most exciting chapter of history to view first-hand. This must be how all the world felt watching man take the first steps on the moon. Viewing a great moment of time has its own mesmerizing pull. I hope sincerely to view a time for change, a time for America itself to move beyond its own stereotypes and put the best man, irregardless of his skin tone, based on his merit into their biggest office of power.

Its a time for change we can believe in.

Movie Review: Taare Zameen Par

Aamir Khan’s directorial debut has had much written about it. I put off watching it for quite a while having heard it was a “sad” movie and i didn’t much feel in the mood for a cry.

I did get around to watching it and i can truly saying it deserves all the laurels heaped upon it and its young star, Darsheel Safry. The little boy made me feel for the young child struggling with a learning disability and a society and parents who are too overly concerned with being the best to consider the best for the child might not be the most economically sound options.

This movie at the heart of it addresses differences and uses in its narrrative the example of a learning disability. The inherent inability of people to accept the differences of our fellow man be it in the form of colour, creed, sexual orientation, religious beliefs etc is at the crux of many of life’s avoidable problems. The need we have to force a square peg into a circle just because we are circles and are uncomfortable with expanding our boundaries makes us the ones with the problem and not the so-called different folk.

I sincerely hope this will be a movie that stays with people and the next time we judge someone harshly for being different we stop, pause and think about the so-called problem and quesiton if there really is one.

Ted|Talks

Once every year revolutionary thinkers and doers of great and unusual things come together for an exchange of ideas thats food for the minds of those of us who haven’t been quite so blessed in terms of gray matter. AB mentioned that this years talks are out and encouraged me to have a look as there’s something thats bound to catch your eye.

Within the first 2 minutes i found this performanced by Kenichi Ebina who displays the most remarkable control over his body that i have ever seen. The minutiae of his every movement and the breakdown of each action boggles the mind….i only wish i could move the way he does whatever name his art-form takes.

Another talk i want to share is one AB had shared with me last year. Anthropologist Helen Fisher shares her research and perspectives on love and its various stages. Her witty delivery enables her to leave you with some interesting new insights into “Love”

For those of you who are interested head over to Ted|Talks and find something else that tickles your fancy. I’ve already seen a couple of topics i’ll be checking out

Men, Marriage & Malarkey

I’ve just returned from my long over-due vacation and dived head-first into work. The post on my impressions and adventures will have to wait for the weekend when I hopefully get a moment to breathe in peace and just ‘be’.

This post came to mind while I was travelling. I had just finished Vikram Seth’s “A Suitable Boy” and the book had left a profound impression on me, so much so, that I picked up a copy for my own during my travels. The one point I kept returning to was that the boy she deemed most suitable was not the one who aroused great emotion in her but rather the one who made her laugh. I think that in most romantic relationships we over-estimate the fiery flames of amorous feelings and underestimate the warmth and steady glow of a good companion. The ideal you may think would be to have a balance of the two, and I think thats possible in a long-term commitment that sees the ups and downs of life, but not necessarily a possibility in the form of a perfectly packaged individual.

I pondered over this some and some personal interactions of my own have validated this for me. I’ve met people who have elicited great emotion from me and vice versa. Thats fine and dandy because noone on earth can possibly object to those wondrous highs of being in love and being loved in return and as such noone reads the fine print about the dastardly lows and highly irrational behavior. I’m guilty of some irrational behavior of my own and been subjected to some as well. All I can say is if the 2 people involved are not mature enough to communicate through the chaos to the real issues underneath and commit to resolving them it can get really ugly. I personally don’t like myself when I’m so choked up with emotion that I can barely string a coherent sentence and am just lashing out…so I figure I need to find my very own funny man. If he can fan the flames as well that will be the icing on the cake

With all this squared away I was resting easy until I picked up an issue of Marie Claire. The editor wrote a piece on the many single and seemingly eligible women in their late 20s who just can’t seem to find Mr Right. She raised some interesting points of how we may be so fixated on finding the ideal man, intelligent, successful, and handsome, that we pass up on people who don’t obviously fit the bill. What we may not realise, she said, was that the intelligent, successful and handsome Mr Right may not be looking for us. Most of us stabilise our personalities and our careers in our mid-to-late 20s and in the process may become quite boring! She also raised the point that the man we meet and reject at 28 will probably be the man we meet and accept at 38. Now I don’t know about you but that gives me major heebie-jeebies!! By that standard the guy i crushed on at 16 is probably the closest to the ideal man i’ve ever met and even he wasn’t the same ideal as his 16yr old self when i met him again years later!!

From the highs of funny man to the lows of 38yr old i’ve settled on a nice medium as aided by Shobha De. With all this men & marriage thoughts going on in my head I picked up her book “Spouse” in which she analyzes her own marriage and that of those around her. She doesn’t profess any magic cures but rather a few pointers from the rough roads she’s travelled. What I’ve liked most about her book is her approach…only marry if you really believe in marriage and in making that commitment to stick it out with your partner. That gives me hope because I truly believe in the institution of marriage and for keeps. Now I just need to find someone who thinks that and is tall, dark, handsome, highly successful, witty, intelligent, likes to be a little adventurous with food…………..and on and on. LOL!

Have a good week!

The changing face of charity: Please give freely

Charity begins at home. That’s what we are all taught. However how do you define home?

Many of us are now global citizens in that we may have citizenship ties to more than one country and sunk our roots, however briefly, in a whole host of others. Add to that the very real fact that most of us spend more time in our virtual “homes” than we do our actual ones vis-a-vis our blogs, social networking sites and other highly-frequented virtual stops and it all gets a lot more complicated. Those of us out there who haven’t embraced the changing face of society, economy and world may wonder what the big deal is since to them it all seems like a waste of time.

One net denizen, and friend of AB, has taken the concept of Social Media and used it for a very worthy cause. Beth Kanter has used Facebook, Twitter, her blog, and the community of virtual friends she has developed to aid one Cambodian orphan, Leng Sopharath, to college by raising US$1000. As this is a hefty financial undertaking for most families Beth raised awareness for her efforts through her various forums and together with 58 friends surpassed the initial goal and is now on her way to helping make the college dreams of yet another young Cambodian come true.

Each donation is only US$10 and I honestly spend more than that on lunch most days. I’ve decided to do my bit (my standards are if it makes me feel like a bad human being to Not do it then I should and it makes me feel really bad thinking of how much my parents spent on my college education compared to a teeny $10 donation) and I hope that many of the fat cats I know who similarly spent large amounts on their college educations will be sufficiently moved to be better human beings….we could all use the good karma right

Please go here to make your contributions (wordpress unfortunately does not allow me to add in the really cool Chipin widget )

Blood Donors Unite!

Ok its coming to that time of year…holidays and merry-making are spread over the coming months culminating in the marketing blitz known as Christmas and New Years.

This time of the year also sees a rise in accidents and shortage of blood at the blood banks. My sister and I waited out our mandatory quarantine period post our return from India and went to give our contribution this Saturday. The nice people at the blood bank were kind enough to give us bandages that matched our clothes as well (My sister’s was by coincidence and mine by manipulation ;p).

Putting aside all the jokes i do ask those of you who can to please give if it fits into your personal ideologies. Its a relatively painless process, if you discount being asked how much you weigh and the tiny pin-prick to your finger for the iron test, and it takes only about half an hour from start to finish (please do keep in mind that some days it may take longer due to the high volume of donors but its for a good cause).

Here’s my sister and i after my 6th and her 22nd donation.

Enjoy your week!